I am here to study your species. I abducted you years ago and put a probe up your nose. (Why is your species obsessed with anal probes? Do you think you keep your brains down there? The nose is the way to get to the brains, fyi, humans!)

I am reading this journal to see the results of the implant. You may unscreen this comment. I have also probed many many of your friends and they will not be surprised to see me.